8 ridiculous things about being a woman cyclist

These 8 ridiculous things about being a woman cyclist are brought to you in no particular order:

  1. Squished sausage: gripper elastic at the bottom of cycling shorts can disfigure even muscular thighs into the leg equivalent of a muffin top. That said:

  2. Muffin tops – therefore many women favor bibs over cycling shorts. However, have you ever tried to navigate going to the bathroom in a porta-potty while wearing bibs during that century ride where your jersey pockets are stuffed with items you definitely do NOT want to fall into to the latrine? There’s a mental video for you.

  3. Interbike sockgate

    These socks suck

    An industry dominated by males. These thong-with-prominent-vagina-angle-lesbianfantasy-design socks were in the attendee packets at the Interbike trade show this week in Vegas. Interbike claimed “my bad” and pulled the socks from the undistributed bags – but what jackass would’ve let this go through in the first place? Women cyclists’ butts (thighs, calves, all-round muscles) are gorgeous because we’re strong, fit, healthy, adventurous and fun-loving. Don’t degrade a female image to “this is an ass that’s here solely for your base pleasure” to sell product unless it’s porn. C’mon. Hats off to PrettyDamnedFast and Cheri Felix for using their platforms calling out the jackassery.

  4. A petite woman trying to load a bike on the roof rack of an SUV. To my friends who use a step stool to get ‘er done: way to be resourceful.

  5. UCI rules pertaining to pro women. According to UCI rules, elite women are allowed to ride a maximum of 140 km in a stage, compared to the maximum distances of 240 to 280 km for the top male cyclists. Shorter distances for one day and TT races are also enforced. Imagine Ironman or the Boston Marathon telling women they can’t race the full distance…because they have boobs. And pay inequality transcends into – is even sanctioned – in pro racing. There are no minimum wage standards for females yet are in place for men: men’s minimums are 36,300 Euro (about $41K) for WorldTour squad (29,370 Euro in case of neo-pros); 30,250 Euro for Pro Continental squads (25,300 Euro for neo-pros). UCI’s defense seems to be “if we impart a minimum wage for women, sponsors will back out and then there will be no racing for women.” Does that logic hold true for Lindsay Vonn, Serena Williams, or other female athletes? Check out Half of the Road, a terrific documentary on the reality of pro women cyclists.

  6. Saddle sores. As if menstruation, episiotomies, and a need for daily fiber isn’t enough for a woman’s nether region, God decided saddle sores would be a funny addition. They most definitely are not.

  7. Bugs or stinging insects that fly into your sport bra then sting you and/or drown in your sweat before you peel off said garment.

  8. Having carpools to drive, social events to plan, bosses to please, homes to tidy, pets to nurture, nightstand reading material to start, family to love, and unfinished Netflix series to watch so we don’t ride as much as we wish we could!

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